Laughter - The best medicine II

[xMosquitox]

 Texan arrives at a New York Hotel, checks in and tells the desk
clerk to send up a bottle of good whiskey and a woman to his room.

In a short while,someone knocks on his door. When he opens it, there stands a lady in a Salvation Army uniform. He looks surprised but invites her in.
She says, "You asked for a lady, didn't you?"
He says, "Well, Yes", so she begins to disrobe.
When she is almost undressed, she stops suddenly and says, "By the way, are you married or single?"
He says, "I'm married" so she starts to put all her clothes back on.
"What the Hell?", the Texan asks.
She replies, "We're strictly for the needy, not for the greedy".

[xMosquitox]

Sometime back one very big group of cows went up to heaven. Upon
entering heaven's pearly gate they saw a very big group of chickens there.
"Hey, what are u all doing here in heaven?" asked the oldest cow.
" Oh... we were all slaughtered indiscriminately down in HongKong..."
said the oldest mother hen sadly.

" Ya... we too were slaughtered indiscriminately down in Europe and
Japan.You know those damned people out there , They were just reckless and cruel creatures. Only a few cows caused the mad cow disease and they just killed us by the thousands."

" Where are those few cows that caused the mad cow disease?" asked one
of the chicken.
" Oh they were banished down to hell." lamented the old cow.

" Ya we too had a few mischievious chicken that caused the bird flu
and they were banished to hell too."
Just then a big group of pigs entered the heaven's gate and the same
story of indiscriminate slaughter goes around.

Disgusted and angry, the old cow picked up a phone, make a call to hell
and got their mischievious friends to come up with a deadly virus and send
it to earth.

" Why do u want to do that for?", asked the cow from hell .
" Just to see whether those silly people will indiscriminately
slaughter their own kind", came the reply.
"Oh, and what shall we call the deadly virus?" asked the chicken from
hell.
"Any name , so long as the virus makes the people "Sick And Really Sick."

"Ok we shall call it SARS"

[xMosquitox]

Three INDIANS and three PAKISTANIS are travelling by train to a Cricket match at the World Cup.
At the station, the 3 PAKISTANIS buy a ticket each and watch as the Three INDIANS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" Sks One of the PAKISTANI.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the INDIAN.
They all board the train. The PAKISTANIS take their respective seats But all three INDIANS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around Collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on.
The PAKISTANIS see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the INDIAN style on the return trip and save some

money . When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the INDIANS don't buy ticket at all !!!
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" Says one perplexed PAKISTANI.
"Watch and learn," answers an INDIAN.
When they board the train the three PAKISTANIS cram into one toilet And soon after the three INDIANS cram into another nearby toilet.
The train departs.
Shortly afterwards, one of the INDIAN leaves the toilet and walks Over to the toilet where the PAKISTANIS are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The INDIAN takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet !!!

[hanzspeed]

A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia.

He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's
coffee house.

A Malaysian man, who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a
casual conversation.

Malaysian: "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian: "We don't. In Malaysia, we only eat what's inside. The crusts
we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants &
sell them across to Singapore." The Malaysian then had a smirk on his
face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Malaysian: "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"

Singaporean: "Of course."

Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for
breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a
container, recycle them, transform them into jam before we sell it
across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted: "Do you have sex in Malaysia?"

Malaysian: "Why, of course we do"

Singaporean: "Do you wear protection"

Malaysian: "Of course! We wear condoms."

Singaporean: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used
them?"

Malaysian: "Stupid question! Of course we throw them away."

Singaporean: "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them
in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell
them across to Malaysia, & that's the real reason why we banned chewing
gum in Singapore."