Jokes

[Vivien Wong]

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

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Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I born

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Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same
dog!

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Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son : That's why I say she's no good!

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Manager : Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.
Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact, I'm just the right person in this
case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!

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Dad : "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son :(goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid.

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Teacher: "How do u think Shakespeare wrote such masterpieces?"
College student: "With a pencil, maam, either a 2B or not 2B."

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"Mum, teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who
will be coming to school." "That's nice of her to take such an interest,
dear. What did she say when u told her u are the only child?" "She just
said, 'Thank goodness!'"

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Teacher: "Where were u born?" Student: "Singapore, Sir." Teacher: "Which
part?"
Student: "All of me, Sir."

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Teacher: "Chong, u missed school last Friday."
Chong : "You're wrong, Sir."
Teacher: "Wrong, how is that?"
Chong : "I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!"

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A teacher was asking her class: "What is the difference between 'unlawful'
and 'illegal'?" Only one hand shot up. "Ok, answer, Joan," said the
teacher. " 'unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and
'illegal is a sick eagle."

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Doctor : I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient : Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor : The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours
to live.
Patient : 24 hours! That's terrible!! What could be worse? What's the very
bad news? Doctor : I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

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Patient : I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?
Doctor : You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient : What happened? Doctor : Well, I've got some good news and some
bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient : Well... The bad news first ....
Doctor : Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of
them.
Patient : That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your
slippers.

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Patient : How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist : -90.00.
Patient : -90.00 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist : I can extract it very slowly if you like.

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Teacher : "How come you do not comb your hair?"
Ah Kow : "No comb, Sir."
Teacher : "Use your dad's then."
Ah Kow : "No hair, Sir."

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A boy came home from school with his exam results.
"What did u get?" asked his father. "My marks are under water," said the
boy.
"What do u mean 'under water'?" "They are all below 'C' level"