Just for Laugh

[vios484]

Top Ten Rejected Valentine's Day Cards

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine's card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you'd be my ho.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so has your ass.

3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

[vios484]

X-Rated Tape

A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating.

She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." The Store Clerk replied, "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

To which the Blonde answered, "It's called 'Head Cleaner'

[vios484]

bas***d

A 20-yr old pretty, sexy and sensual girl went to see
a psychiatrist.

"Doctor, I'm so angry at my boyfriend that I must
call him bas***d. I feel
that he's gone too far, and he deserves it."

"Hmm? Such a word is strong and rude. But may be you
have your own
reasons. Tell me about it so that I can help you."

"Yes, thank you, Doctor. There was one night...we
parked our car besides
the beach and we were alone... and... he held my
hand..."

"Did he hold your hand like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're holding it now"

"If it's only this, he doesn't deserve to be called
bas***d. It means he
doesn't want to be separated from you."

"Then, he leaned his body towards me... and hugged
me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're doing."

"It's not a bas***d. It means he wanna stay forever
by your side"

"Then he kissed me..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly like how you're kissing me."

"If its only a kiss like this, seriously you can't
call him bas***d. It
means he adores you."

"Then he put his hands inside my clothes and touched
my boobs, Doc..."

"Like this?"

"Yes, Doctor... exactly like that"

"It's not behavior of a bas***d. It means he wants to
protect you."

"Then he took off all my clothes... slowly... "

"Did you resist?"

"No. I let him do it, coz I love him..."

"Did he take off your clothes like this?"

"Yes, Doctor. Until I'm completely naked like
now......"

"He still doesn't deserve to be called "bas***d,
because it means he wanna
learn about your body completely."

"Then he kissed me and put his.... inside me and had
sex with me..."

"Did he do it just like what we do?"

"Yes, Doctor. Exactly the same"

"You still can't call him bas***d. It means he
needs you."

"But then he told me that he has AIDS"


All the staff and patients outside heard the doctor
screaming,"
BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRD!" 

[vios484]

This is an old one....here goes... 

One night after a date, a guy takes his girlfriend home. After kissing
each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little
horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall
and, smiling, he says to her:

"Honey, would you give me a blow job?"

Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught

"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

"No way. It's just too risky!"

"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?"

"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!"

"Oh yes you can. Please?"

"No, no. I just can't"

"I'm begging you..."

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister
shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says:

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need
be, Mom says she can come down herself and do it. But for God's sake tell
him to take his hand off the intercom."