Comfort in Friendship:
"Friends" are like underwear; always a comfort...
"Good friends" are like condoms; always protecting... "Great friends" are
like viagra; lift you up when you're down ...
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New drink from Malaysia:
The Malaysian government has approved the release of a new drink made with
cutting edge technology.It's a combination of Horlicks, Milo Kopi & Teh.
It's called - "LICKMYKOTEH"....
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Expiry date
A 95 yr old man sucks his 90yr old wife's breast for 1/2 hour,
drinks 2 drops of her milk a nd dies...
Post-mortem report - Died of drinking something after EXPIRY DATE ...
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Biology Lesson
Teacher: A man's penis has 2 key functions: Urination & Reproduction.
Student: But my dad uses it to brush our maid's teeth.
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Positive thinking
Positive thinking is like this.... A little bird flies up in the
sky; you look up and it shits in your eye...
But you don't mind and you don't cry... But you thank God that
cows don't fly.....
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Sexy Grandma
Last night, grandma wore a see-through top, grandpa didn't notice.
The 2nd night grandma wore a bikini, grandpa got a shock.
And on the 3rd night, she got naked and grandpa says to her:
"why is your dress so crumpled...
"
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Government job
A guy goes to interview for a Government job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have
any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an
explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled,
it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can
hire you right now ! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and
we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want
me to come at 10?"
" Well, here at the government, we don't do anything but sit
around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. No point of your
coming in for that !"
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Subject: Why women talk so much
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said
women use more words than men.
Excited to prove to his wife that he had been right all along
when he accused her of talking too much, he showed her the study
results.
It read: "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000."
The wife thought for a while, then finally she said to her husband,
"It's because we have to repeat everything we say."
The husband said, "What?"
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